i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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