ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
