Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
