I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
