I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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