Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
