May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
