He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
