don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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