But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
