I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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