I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
