i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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