haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
