please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
