My friends, they love my intelligence
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
