he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
