hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
fuck your aforementioned shoe
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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