Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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