eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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