you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
