I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i barfeds in our rink
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
