she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
