its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
