Can i not drive my cunt home
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
