I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
