I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
my poor anus
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
