I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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