It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
