Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
