You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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