I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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