I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Randomize
