I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Randomize
