Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
It was confusing and full of hummus
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
