I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
