corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
