I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
