If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
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