Where did you get a picture of my penis
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
