I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i barfeds in our rink
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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