the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
