bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
