why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
