i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
