Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Randomize
