I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
