I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
It's shark week go big or go home
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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