i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
