you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
My dick has a subreddit
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
