drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
